How to Beat Up a Kitty

I enjoy checking my blog traffic on the Blogger Dashboard. Don't judge me!

Are people reading this?

Where are they coming from?

People are actually reading this?

I enjoy looking at traffic sources, the websites people came from and the search terms that lead people here. In general, if Google leads you here, I hope you find what you're looking for.

However, today, I noticed that "Earn Your Donuts" was found through a search for "How to beat up a kitty". In fact, if you search (without quotes), it's the number one search result for how to beat up a kitty.

I'm sure I'll lose that title once www.howtobeatupakitty.com launches (at which point we're probably nearing the Singularity -- the inevitable future point at which every possible domain name is taken), but in the meantime I don't think that's a distinction that I want.

After all, if you're reading this blog, you probably have noticed that one of the few things I love more than typing rambling blog posts is soft, adorable cats.

Big, fluffy rug cats.



Skinny, whiny, psychotabbies:



Adorable little blog-commenting kittens who get stuck in walls.


Sure, cats can be destructive, huggable nuisances, but with love and attention they can also become some of our best friends.

So whomever found this blog searching for "how to beat up a kitty", I implore you to remember that violence almost never solves anything. As much as I'd sometimes loooooooooove to launch Higgy the Cat out of a cannon (into a big net! It would be adorable!), beating up a kitty is nothing but a deplorable act of cruelty.

I'm not sure I've got anything for the person who found this site for "bad half marathon experience", either. I mean, I've only run two half marathons and have gotten to high-five the mayor of Philly, the GEICO gekko, a giant cookie, people in colonial garb, and the Drexel Dragon. How does it get better than that...except for winning?

And I certainly can't really help you with that.