Sunrise or Sunset?

I snapped this photo at mile 5 of a 6-mile run, and I was reminded of a story about Benjamin Franklin at the Constitutional Convention n Philadelphia in 1787. George Washington, who presided over the convention, sat at the front of the room in a chair that depicted half of a golden sun. Throughout the convention, Franklin, one of the elder statesmen of the the fledgling nation, pondered whether the sun was rising or setting (on the new nation). He concluded that the sun was rising, and 235 years later, it seems as if he was correct.

I feel like my running "career" is at a turning point. It's frustrating that distances that were easy for me a few months ago are now a struggle, and the six miles I ran tonight -- my second run of this distance -- seems in hindsight to be too much too soon. On weak-feeling legs, I ran a very well-paced 10K training run two weeks ago, and felt very good about it. Tonight, I ran the same distance, a little slower, and with less creakiness during the run, but lots of problems with my left calf afterwards. Though I've been stretching and foam rolling, it feels like it's cramping every time I sit. The cramps don't seem severe -- I don't have pain while sitting, but feel the soreness when I stand.

I'm wondering if I have an injury, though I'm starting to lean toward dehydration. It was a very warm day (for March), in the mid 60s as I ran tonight, and I probably haven't drank enough water over the last several days. Still, even if that's all it is, it was frustrating to feel this bad right after the Kelly 5K, in which I felt better and stronger than I have for any run since the Celtic Solstice 5-mile in December.

Of course, I was also stupid and forgot to wear my new shoes.

Motivation is also lacking a bit lately. While I do want to be a marathoner again and I am committed to getting back to Virginia Beach for the 41st running of the Shamrock Marathon in 2013, I admit it's been really nice to only have to squeeze in a 30 or 40-minute run, or find time for 50 or 60-minute long run, instead of 2-3 hours on Saturday morning.

But even without pressure for really time-consuming runs, I've taken every lame excuse I can find to not get enough runs in. I actually got myself up this morning for a change for a 3-miler (what I had time for before work), but there was some construction at the end of the path that leads down into York Haven. I'm sure I could have just gone around it, but instead I put my run off until after work (when I can run in Manchester w/o all the school traffic and pedestrians), when it was quite a bit warmer. Today, at least, I got out there! Last week, I ran on Tuesday, but found lame-o excuses to skip on Thursday or Friday.

Between last Tuesday's frustrating 3-miles and Saturday's frustrating 5, I just didn't care. It almost felt like when I "took a break" from lifting -- for a whole year. Luckily, I was signed up for the 5K, and wanted to get some miles in (on Saturday) before that or I was probably a couple days away from "I'm taking a break" from running. That's just how it felt. I'd been more frustrated, more disappointed at times over the past five years, but I just felt like I was closer to just giving it up than I'd ever been. The good 5K got me fired back up, and then this one just frustrated me again.

I need to re-establish consistency. Go back to the basics. Embrace the short distances that are in my wheelhouse right now, and like I said in one of last week's whiny blog entries, not get too high or too low.

I think, as long as my calf isn't really injured, that I can get through the TowneBank 8K on Saturday. I'm going to try for a good race, but I know even on that flat course it would be foolish to try for a PR right now. I'll then have a little more than a month until the Sole of the City 10K. I probably need to just take the first couple weeks of that month to get back into an every-other-day running routine and see if I can get myself back to being really comfortable with 3-4 miles. There's not time to build as gradually to 6 miles as I did the first time around (over months!) in 2009, but right now it just seems like I'm biting off a little more than I can chew at that distance.

I have to realize and accept that this year's best-case scenario for me is to mirror 2009, when I built my long run distance from 4 miles to 13.1, and I have to learn to be happy with the little victories: a good effort in a 5K (even if the times don't necessary match last years'), hopefully a great Harrisburg Mile, and slowly building my base mileage and long runs back up. I didn't run 6 miles until Memorial Day that year, and by fall I'd trained up to run a first half marathon that I'm still very happy with. If I slow things down a bit and try to match that schedule, I think I can stay healthy and get myself to where I need to be to start marathon training at the end of the year.

I want the sun to be rising, but I'm not certain yet that it is...



Here's a crappy cell phone pic of George Washington's Rising Sun chair at the front of the room in Independence Hall. To see better pictures and learn more, you can go here.

Lacking Perspective

I'm trying to explain and thus move toward changing my negative mindset, not just be excessively pessimistic or whiny here. You've been warned.

I was coming off a very good 10K training run on Saturday, wishing I'd signed up for Broad Street, thinking perhaps a fall marathon was a good idea after all. Tired, sore, but feeling like I was ready to chase some PRs at my upcoming 5K, 8K, and 10K.

Just a few days later, it's hit me in the face what a shadow of my former running self I am right now. I had easily the worst run of the comeback tour, a 28-minute 3 mile where you name it, it probably hurt. Sore calves, like I was having before my layoff, trouble breathing, creaky knees, aching lower back and even a hitch in my stride (dragging the left foot on the ground too much) that I don't think is usually there.

I'm prone to excessive self-doubt and criticism after a bad run, which really doesn't make sense with my rather casual approach to training. So even as one side of my brain is thinking "You couldn't have gotten 5 miles tonight, you're in trouble" another part knows "you always do this after a bad run, it's never as bad as you think it is (you dummy)." As much as I am critical of Andy Reid in his coaching of my favorite football team, one of his mantras that I need to re-appropriate in my running is to "never let yourself get too high after a win or too low after a loss."

I had a bad run; but the Garmin gets set back to zero and I have a clean slate either way when I hit the road on Thursday or Friday. Knowing something is nothing to worry about is easy for me; making the transition to actually not worrying about it has always been a challenge. The easy workaround is to probably avoid the night running -- in which I don't use a music player -- until I'm feeling consistently stronger and more comfortable at 5-6 mile distances. Let Van Halen drown out the negative thoughts.

I think it's going to be a challenge for me to main perspective this year. Last year was far and away the best year of my career: first two marathons, a very good season of 5Ks, a significant mile PR within striking distance of 6:00; and one of 2 or 3 best races I've ever run to cap the year. I'll achieve much less this year it looks like, and even though I'm pretty sure I don't love the marathon, I don't think I'll feel like I'm all the way back until I finish another one.

But I can't let myself think like this -- and there's no reason to. Throwing out for a second that I'm missing Shamrock, I'll probably finish March at about the same place that I did last year, 6-7 mile training runs and no long races on the immediate horizon. With that in mind, this really is a minor setback and I just need to be more positive. My goal, totally unquantifiable of course, for the rest of March is to just try to enjoy each and every run for its own sake, without any concern for where it fits into a larger training plan or how they compare to each other or to last year.

Rediscover the fun.

I know...this post definitely requires at least one adorable kitty picture.

(Higgy, back in his chubbier days, was obsessed with climbing in the dryer and staring demonically at us.)

Go/No Go Decisions

It's been a little quiet around here. (To make myself feel better, I'm going to pretend that people noticed!) It's supposed to be a running blog, and I've run a total of 2.5 miles so far this year.

That's ok. It's only been two weeks, but it's actually been kind of nice to not feel pressured to find time to run or head out in the cold in the dark of night (I do like running in the cold, but it's hard to get started!). My doctor thinks that some of my problems are linked to over-training (which I suspect is more the combo of finishing Philly/rushing back a little too fast to do a better job training for Shamrock/running the 5-miler much faster than was prudent moreso than just running too many miles) but beyond that it had just seemed like I've been burned out on running since October.

I enjoy the races, and on long run days, I love being able to say, even if only to myself, "I ran 20 miles this morning," but I think the way I found every possible excuse to skip mid-week base mile runs in October just shows that the love wasn't there right now, anyway. It had just started to feel like a chore. So, I'm sorry to miss my chance for another shot at Shamrock (and its great post-race party and cool finisher's hoodie), but I'll enjoy the break from running, too. And, luckily for me, my injuries are not ones that cause a lot of discomfort when I'm not running, they're just hopefully minor ones that just won't heal without rest. (And that, in the case of mystery bump, I just probably need to learn to deal with.)

It's also nice to not plan my sleep/meal schedules around running and it's great to actually be able to stay awake in the evenings rather than falling asleep in front of whatever show I'm trying to watch.

While I admit I'm enjoying the rest, there are some clear negatives:

• While I would gladly admit I don't love running in and of itself as much as a lot of other serious or somewhat-serious runners, it does play a pretty big role in how I see myself. I'm a runner; running is the thing I do that lets me be proud of myself. If I can't run for a month, I sort of wish my doctor had also said that I can't do my job for a month, either.

• I'm probably enjoying my rest a little too much. I've been lifting regularly, in fact I lifted more in December and January than I did all last year. I've re-discovered my enjoyment of it and I can tell that my upper-body strength is improving. That's good.
  
  What's bad is that I haven't done any cardio at all since my last attempt at running. Chris and I joined a gym on Monday, I'm just having trouble finding the motivation to get up and go before work to use the exercise bike, elliptical, or pool. I admit I'm a little scared how the mystery bump on my leg will respond, but it's laziness that's really keeping me from going, even though I know my return will go better if I can keep as much conditioning as possible...

• As the title of the post implies, I've got some decisions to make regarding races to sign up for.
  

1. While I could conceivably do the 8K (March 17) at Shamrock, it seems like after a whole month off that this would probably be unwise to be locked into one of these. If I can decide at the expo the day before the 8K to sign up for it, maybe this will be an option.
2. Registration for the Broad Street 10-miler opens on February 15. I'll be (hopefully!) starting to run again by then, and the race is in May so as long as I get off my but and do some cardio, I think this is conceivable. The problem is that this one will sell out in a day or two, so I have to make that decision very early in my recovery.
3. Kelly Shamrock 5K, March 11. I should probably be ok signing up for this one. I ran this while tapering last year and nice and easy would no doubt be the order of the day if I do sign up.
4. There's a new race in Baltimore, the Sole of the City 10K on April 21 that sounds fun. I suspect I'll be able to do this by then, but the problem is, like Broad St, that I think I'll have to make that decision before or right after I start running again.
5. Chris and I have been talking about the Atlantic City Half in October, and I'd been thinking about the full since I love AC and I suspect the course would be flat. I'd have to marathon train in the summer more than I did in 2011, but it would also give me an extra month of recover time before...
6. I wasn't planning on returning to VA Beach every year, but since I can't run the Shamrock Marathon this year, I'd really love to give it a shot in 2013. I won't run Philly this year, so my legs will hopefully be fresher as I train for it.
   

So, I need the shinsplints and the mystery bump to cooperate, but I also need to get off my ass.

(Yeah, this has been pretty much what I've been doing the past two weeks.)

Friday Haiku, Volume XV

The water rises
And my confidence declines
Time for a comeback

This is has been a tough week for running. I crashed at 10 on my alleged 14-miler last Saturday. This week, I got my Higdon-proscribed 4 in on the treadmill. I tried for 8, which my plan called for, on Wednesday between rainstorms, and just didn't feel well at all (stopped at 6.3). I skipped yesterday's 4-miler because I figured I should shovel as much of my driveway back into place as I could.

This week's long run is 15 miles. I'm not sure I can do that right now, between they way I've felt this week and the rainy humid morning we're supposed to have, and my sort of sub-par training over the past two weeks. I can't get hung up on that, though. I just need to focus on doing the best I can to get back on program as much as possible. 13 miles -- I'll take it! 14 or 15, I'll be thrilled.

I also need to STOP WHINING! I've been very negative lately. About the weather, about running, about work, and probably other things that I can't think of right now. Some are in my control, and some are not. Running is one that is -- to a point. I've been at or above mileage and long run mileage every week all summer until the last two weeks. I can't let myself get too frustrated when there's still plenty of time to recover.