2013 was not without its moments. I made some great new friends. I had some fun adventures. But as the year ended, I'm as burnt-out, depressed, and out-of-shape as I've ever been and I realized yesterday that I just couldn't see any way out of it.
I've let the stress of my job, which generally comes with a panic-level approximating an emergency room despite lives NOT hanging in the balance, ruin the past year. I don't want to use that as an excuse. I'M the one who didn't get up and run the next morning after working late. I'M the one who stress-ate everything in sight. I'M the one who reached for a beer on nights on which normally I would not. I'M the one who didn't get to the gym enough when I took a few months away from running (again) to rehab my compartment syndrome. I let myself have the mindset of a victim, but I was the perpetrator all along.
So this year, I must fight. I have to fight to get the miles in. To get to the gym. To eat more salads and not so many delicious burgers. To try to make that workplace culture a better one, rather than just complaining about it. To be a better friend and family member and a better all-around individual, and not only a great employee.
Talk is cheap. Words on a mostly-defunct blog are worthless. Trying to have a new positive outlook doesn't change my workload or deadlines or magically reduce my stress-level. It doesn't make me weigh less or able to run 5 -- hell, 3 -- miles again. The things that suck, still suck. I can try to have a new positive attitude, and I know from trying before that it will last only day...if that. My only hope for making this year a better one is to actually take actions to do the things that will make me feel better about myself.
Run the miles.
Lose the weight.
Re-engage with the friends and loved ones I've neglected.
Don't have another lost year.
"We're from Philadelphia and we fight."
- Chip Kelly, Head Coach, Philadelphia Eagles
I've let the stress of my job, which generally comes with a panic-level approximating an emergency room despite lives NOT hanging in the balance, ruin the past year. I don't want to use that as an excuse. I'M the one who didn't get up and run the next morning after working late. I'M the one who stress-ate everything in sight. I'M the one who reached for a beer on nights on which normally I would not. I'M the one who didn't get to the gym enough when I took a few months away from running (again) to rehab my compartment syndrome. I let myself have the mindset of a victim, but I was the perpetrator all along.
So this year, I must fight. I have to fight to get the miles in. To get to the gym. To eat more salads and not so many delicious burgers. To try to make that workplace culture a better one, rather than just complaining about it. To be a better friend and family member and a better all-around individual, and not only a great employee.
Talk is cheap. Words on a mostly-defunct blog are worthless. Trying to have a new positive outlook doesn't change my workload or deadlines or magically reduce my stress-level. It doesn't make me weigh less or able to run 5 -- hell, 3 -- miles again. The things that suck, still suck. I can try to have a new positive attitude, and I know from trying before that it will last only day...if that. My only hope for making this year a better one is to actually take actions to do the things that will make me feel better about myself.
Run the miles.
Lose the weight.
Re-engage with the friends and loved ones I've neglected.
Don't have another lost year.
"We're from Philadelphia and we fight."
- Chip Kelly, Head Coach, Philadelphia Eagles
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